Ever feel like a loser?
I'm there today...yah, it's been one of those days. It's dreary and rainy outside, work is overwhelming, I'm 'filling in' at my old/new job until they find a replacement and starting a new teaching job in two different elementary schools that I've never taught in, which means being the newbe once again and being the one who has to ask a thousand questions because I don't know, besides I have to make snacks for Madison's first day of school tomorrow, and go meet Meredith and Michaela's teachers at Baldwin tonight, which did I mention I applied at Baldwin and did not get hired, which makes even entering the building akward...and did I mention I feel like a loser?
Oh and did I forget to mention that I just received an email from the Reading Recovery director asking if I was "ready" for the new school year.
Ready?
Ready?! (This is not a typo. When you feel like a loser normal thinking is even slow.)
I am certainly not ready! If there's one thing a loser is not....that is ready!
I'm not ready for my "substitute for myself" assignment at my old/new job. I am not ready to teach in two new buildings where I am forced to be the newbe once again. I am not ready to teach reading recovery. It's been 3 years and I need to go over my books and notes. I am not ready for Madison's snack. I am not ready to meet the Baldwin teachers. I look a mess today. I am not ready!
I am blogging.
I'm there today...yah, it's been one of those days. It's dreary and rainy outside, work is overwhelming, I'm 'filling in' at my old/new job until they find a replacement and starting a new teaching job in two different elementary schools that I've never taught in, which means being the newbe once again and being the one who has to ask a thousand questions because I don't know, besides I have to make snacks for Madison's first day of school tomorrow, and go meet Meredith and Michaela's teachers at Baldwin tonight, which did I mention I applied at Baldwin and did not get hired, which makes even entering the building akward...and did I mention I feel like a loser?
Oh and did I forget to mention that I just received an email from the Reading Recovery director asking if I was "ready" for the new school year.
Ready?
Ready?! (This is not a typo. When you feel like a loser normal thinking is even slow.)
I am certainly not ready! If there's one thing a loser is not....that is ready!
I'm not ready for my "substitute for myself" assignment at my old/new job. I am not ready to teach in two new buildings where I am forced to be the newbe once again. I am not ready to teach reading recovery. It's been 3 years and I need to go over my books and notes. I am not ready for Madison's snack. I am not ready to meet the Baldwin teachers. I look a mess today. I am not ready!
I am blogging.
Oh Lisa, I'm sorry you are having that loser feeling today and hopefully it doesn't continue otherwise it will be like you have a stutter. If there was ever woman that deserved to feel good about herself it is you! You are AMAZING!! You radiate God's love and children adore you. I know you have dreams of a different sort and that this seems like a derailment, but I think of the kids who struggle with reading like Marinna and I can't think of anyone better than you to encourage and love on them. They probably feel like they have a big L on their forhead also. You may feel like a Loser because of whatever expectation you don't feel that you are meeting, but girl-YOU ARE AMAZING!!! You ARE wanted, You ARE good enough and You ARE a beautiful mess! Really, for someone like me it's a "relief" to know you struggle. Not becaue I'm happy you do, but it makes my desert smaller!! I love you Lisa and I know God has great plans for you and the lives you are gonna touch with your ever so sweet Lisa Style! That's the real L!!
ReplyDeleteOH!! Women, men, dogs, cats, the Walmart checkout lady and I'm very certain your mailman adores you also!! See, it's not just children! ;)
ReplyDeleteLisa, I had to smile at your honesty. I have SO BEEN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I have my "I'm a not-ready-loser" moments, I take great comfort in knowing that God chooses to fill us with His strength. I am so thankful for those humbling times that remind me once again that I am nothing, but He is EVERYTHING!!!!!!
I can be a sore loser - never have liked it much.
ReplyDeleteBut after reading that I say let's be losers together Lisa.
"Whoever loses his life for me will find it..."
It's not fun being a loser - but your rewards are building.
Thanks for being there for me in the midst of your "loser" week.